Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Why is it....

...that when we tell people that we are hoping to adopt a little boy from Eastern Europe, we get the "Congratulations" .... "How Exciting"....then when we mention that he has Down syndrome, we get the looks like we have just grown another head on our shoulders???

I was talking with a friend that is pregnant and has one other child with Down syndrome. The discussion around the Thanksgiving table was about the new little one and how they (being relatives) hoped that the new baby would be "normal". Now, I know that when relatives speak, they don't always have a way with words when it comes to our kids. Things that are meant to be sweet and loving, come out all wrong. I got those comments with my second and third pregnancies. God love them.... they love (as in my relatives) Josie and wouldn't change a thing about her, but they don't always use the correct terminology or say things that really do sting though they don't realize. Then for some reason, if I try to correct them, I am the overbearing, oversensitive mother. No, not really!! I am just the protective mama bear that wants all her children to be looked at with the same love.

There are many days when I don't think about Josie having Down syndrome. It for sure isn't all that she is. Nor will it be all that Jacob is. Josie and Jacob are our children most of all. They just happen to have something a little extra, and most of all, they do everything in their own time at their own speed.

Back to the comment above about people looking at us like we have two heads at the thought that we actually WANT to have two children with Down syndrome. Is that really any different than parents who would rather have boys than girls or vice versa?? Not at all! Secretly (well not so secretly anymore), there was a part of me after Josie was born, that I wished that my second and third babies would be born with something extra! Now, don't get me wrong, I love Katie and Owen to pieces and wouldn't change a thing about them, but I wouldn't have been disappointed if they were born like Josie. I would have rejoiced just as I did.

What do you think?? What do you think about people who choose to have two children with DS and those who secretly feel they "hit the lottery" with one child and wouldn't mind playing the odds again?? I think that if you haven't experienced the love of a child with Down syndrome, you couldn't understand, but I may be wrong. I know there are some people following this blog that are interested in the responses as well so please let us know your comments on this topic!!!!

14 comments:

Meredith said...

Well... since I went back for another TWO kids with Ds, and if I was pregnant right now (HAHAHA) and had a baby w/ Ds I'd be just as thrilled as if I was to have another typical child.

But yes, people think I'm "crazy", "must have the patience of a saint", "are one of those special people that can handle it", and of course "must have a halo following me around and a special place in heaven for that". Um... nope, I think that Jesus had to die on the cross for me too!

Anyway, you're not the only one :D And I think it's the best kept secret out there-- just wish we could get the word out and not just have people think we're even MORE crazy for sharing the news!!

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

Nope, don't think you're crazy at all ;).

June Berger said...

I don't think it's crazy. We adopted Jonathan with DS and this Monday I leave for VN to get Anah with DS. And IF we adopt again, I would LOVE it to be another child that has DS. Maybe you're preaching to the choir here? lol

Shelley said...

Well, if having/wanting 2 children with Down syndrome means you are crazy, then by all means, feel free to call me crazy :) I have 2 with Ds and I am praying very hard that things will fall into place for a third. My response to people who ask why I'd want more than one is "Why do people want to get pregnant more than once?" I LOVE my children...and my boys with Ds are just as "perfect" as my other 3 children with less chromosomes!

Rachel said...

I would love to adopt a couple of kids with DS someday...so no, I do not think that is crazy at all! Those kids are just so sweet.

Dawn said...

Well, you already know that I think it's wonderful that you guys are adopting Jacob. I don't see why anyone would think you are crazy for wanting to adopt a DS baby. I don't know anyone who would make better parents for him than the two of you!

Alexandra Mikaela - Awareness Warrior said...

Okay, I'm 13, and definately not the parent of a child with Ds, but I understand what you're saying about those "all the sudden growing 3 heads" looks...I get 'em all the time! Ds kids are so loving and innocent, and just amazing! I like the saying "No,I don't have an extra chromosome, you're missing one!" because all people should be like those with Ds. People think I'm CRAZY when I say things like that, but it's true! If only they could experience the amazing LOVE those who know a child with Ds have felt! They show the best of the human race every day...love, acceptance, resilience, and so much more, but at the same time can be adorably obnoxious kids like any "normal" child. I truly believe that a child with Ds is such a blessing! Of course there are challenges, but what child doesn't come with some? They're just different challenges than other kids...but my, oh, my, how rewarding it is!

Bethany said...

LOL I think I posted about the responses I got on Downsyn. They tell you congrats until they find out about the DS part. And I agree, nobody could possibly understand the love until they have had an angel for themselves.

Amy said...

I have two children with Ds (one bio and one adopted) and call me crazy too:) but I'm adopting another little one with Ds and I couldn't be more excited!!!!:)
Amy

The Hortons...one day at a time. said...

We just recently adopted a baby from Chicago with DS (we also live in the chicago area). Some of our family members think we are crazy with just one. We are just praying that this little boy will be used by God to melt the coldest hearts! Children with DS are a gift to the world and I am thankful that God trusted my husband and I with one of those gifts!!

Stephanie said...

When you consider the abortion rates of pre-natally diagnosed babies I'm not surprised that you get that kind of reaction. People are afraid of what they don't know much about.

Our children with DS are the best kept secret! When we do crazy things like adopting children with DS we are letting the cat out of the bag! Hearts and minds are changed one at a time.

I hope and pray that I have the opportunity to be a mother to another child (or two or more!) with DS. What a blessing that would be!!

People already think I'm crazy for having 8 children. Why not give them something else to talk about!

McKenna said...

I think your eyes are just open to the beautiful world of Down syndrome. Very few people truly get to experience what we've experienced in our girls!

amy flege said...

I know you are NOT crazy. you are lucky that God has given you the gift to be blessed with another child with DS! I would do it in a heartbeat if I could!

mmc said...

I have no children but I LOVE the rr website, and peruse it frequently. There are countless kids I'd love to take home. (I'm too young, but one day)

"Normal" bugs me. What is normal? I have ADHD, so I'm not normal? But I like who I am, so if "normal" would change that then I wouldn't want to be "normal"

My psychology notes had a chart about an experiment comparing Theory of Mind for kids with autism, kids with down syndrome, and normal kids. I crossed out normal and wrote "neurologically typical" (in the autism community that's how we refer to people that don't have an autism spectrum disorder). I'd hope that a professor would know better.