I Wonder

I have been battling insomnia for the past few weeks.  I lay awake at night and wonder.  I wonder and ponder a lot of things.  There are more hours between 10 pm and 6 am than I thought!!  Or maybe they just go MUCH MUCH slower when it is dark out!  Most of my thoughts go to Jacob and what that first meeting will be like.  Will he reach out for his new mommy and daddy or will he be a bit reserved?  There is no doubt in my mind that we will love him as our own from the very beginning.  We do already.  Will he have that same kind of bond with us as we already feel with him?  How big will he be?  What will he be wearing?  How wonderful will his hugs and kisses feel?  How will he feel getting so much love and attention?  How will he react to that attention?  Is he being taken care of appropriately?  I know, lots of questions to through my mind. 

I have no idea what kind of room will be in when we meet him or what it will look like, however I have it all laid out in my head.  Joe and I will be in a little room waiting… the door will open and in will walk a older lady holding OUR son!  He will reach for us like we were always his parents and it will be bliss.  I know that these are quite possibly unrealistic expectations, but that is what I picture.  It won’t be long now, before those dreams become a reality.  We will have met our son by the end of this month!  I can’t believe that we have come this far.  A year ago, if someone would have told me that we would be on this journey, I may have actually told them they were crazy.  But here we are, trusting in God to lead us down a path that we took a Leap of Faith to get to.  But we are here and loving every minute of it.

While the experience we have when we travel might not be “blissful”, it will be everything that it is supposed to be.  We will meet our son and what could be better than that?