Many emotions…….

So tonight, the night before Thanksgiving, I was sitting in the living room snuggling a sleepy Katie while Josie and daddy sat on the floor.  Josie started to sing one of her “school songs”.  “Hi Josie …. Josie’s here today…Josie’s here today… Everybody say HORRAY cause Josie’s here today…HORRAY!!!”  (Sang to the tune of The Farmer in the Dell tune)  I listened as she went around the room to each of us and singing along with daddy.  All of a sudden I burst into tears and was almost having a panic attack.  I couldn’t catch my breath. 

Luckily she was far enough away that she didn’t notice and was much to busy singing to everyone!  You see, when Josie started school back in 2007, she went to our local special needs preschool.  It wasn’t enough for her and after 5 months there she was still withdrawn and it wasn’t working.  We made the decision to send her to a special needs school almost 45 minutes away.  This decision was the most difficult one that I have had to make in regards to Josie thus far.  I NEVER wanted Josie to go there.  I wanted her to be in with “typical” peers in our own town!  But after visiting the school, we decided that we would try it for a few months and see how it would go. 

Let me say, it was the best decision we made.  Her speech has come along tremendously as has her social skills.  Her teacher, L.H. is amazing.  She cares about Josie.. I mean truly cares about how she is doing.  Josie has come so far in the year and a half that she has been there.  See everyone at this school has a special need.  We are all in the same boat and while we all might not be in the same club, we are members of a club and that makes it much easier.  Everyone understands when you are taking your child out of school and they go limp on the ground and throw a fit, no one looks at you…it’s just another occurrence that is common during the day.  I could do the secret handshake with every mother in that school.  We are not different.. we fit in!

We have all now decided in Josie’s last IEP (Individual Education Plan) that she will return to our home town for Kindergarten.  She will be in a regular kindergarten with kids who are her age, but are much more advanced and much bigger than she is.  You would think that this would be what I want.  I mean, I dreaded her going to “that” school almost 2 years ago, so getting her back to our town should be my dream right?  NOPE.. not at all.  I am having anxiety about her coming back to somewhere that “isn’t familiar”.  The song just reminded me that she would not get to sing songs like that and say “hello” to the kids in her class in a “typical” class room.  I am worried that she will fall behind… that she will get made fun of… that she will  be scared….that she will regress……that everyone will look at us as the family with two kids with special needs and we will now be “different”!!!

I am just having a day and I know we are making the right choice for Josie, but I want to protect her!  Does it ever get any easier???  Please tell me it does!!!