Thursday, February 23, 2012

A long time coming


Two and a half years ago when we brought Jacob home, he was almost 2.  Though looking at him you would never know it.  He was 11 lbs and wore 3-6 month clothes.  He didn’t hold his head up, make eye contact, play with toys or engage with anyone let alone his mommy and daddy!  We let him have his space when we came home.  He had about a 2-3 minute holding tolerance and we tried to add to that little by little. 

It was a long process and still now at almost 5 years old, he doesn’t like to be held for long long periods of time.  About 20 minutes his his limit.  He’s never been snuggly with either Joe or I.  While I longed for the day when he would want to hug and kiss on me, I knew that we may never get to the point where he would initiate affection.  I told myself I was ok with that, but really, deep down inside I was sad.  Sad that while he knew that we were mommy and daddy and sometimes preferred one or the other, he never initiated affection from us or anyone.

I was pretty sure that he just wouldn’t ever do it… I told myself that it was what it was and tried to move past it.  I love him…. no matter what and if he never wanted to hug mommy it was ok, but inside I had this little ache that wanted him to “love” me like that. 

Over the past month or so, when I get him out of bed in the morning he has started to snuggle into me but only lay his head on my shoulder and curl his arms in between us.  At first this was for only a split second at a time, gradually lengthening to now about 15 seconds before he’s ready to get down.  I will take what I can get and it warms my heart every single morning.  I will stand there with him as long as he will do that!  It’s his decision and I haven’t been pushing him to stay on my shoulder for longer.  He’s in control of this situation! 

Now for the past few days… it’s finally happened…. when he sees me after not seeing me for awhile (after school or in the morning when I wake him up) he has started to wrap his arms around my neck and squeeze me!  The first time he did it, I wept!  My boy… finally after close to 3 years home is finally attaching to us.  We have always been attached to him but he is reciprocating… finally… he wants to hug me.. he wants to love me!  I could not be more happy about it.  I just grin from ear to ear and have been late for a few things because he wants to snuggle and I feel like we have almost 5 years to make up for! 

My sweet Jacob is a snuggler and I absolutely love it.  I am falling in love with him all over again every time he leans into me for a hug!  Never knew how wonderful those hugs were from a child you thought you might never get one from!  Oh Joy… oh Bliss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 comment:

gillian said...

Love it. So very happy for you, Mama!